she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
