he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
