And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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