There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have tasted many bathrooms
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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