I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
