she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
