I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
