I wish you could order shots online.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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