I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
