mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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