I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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