shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
