we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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