all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I smell like Dick and happiness
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
