You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
