i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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