Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
