do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
