yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
