remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize