The best revenge is premature balding
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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