There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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