make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
