She told me I should be a condom model.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize