I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
