Where did you get a picture of my penis
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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