I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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