How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
