mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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