The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
