Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
