My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
