You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
