hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
