k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
