I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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