I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
