Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
