my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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