Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
