We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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