my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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