You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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