you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
