He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
