my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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