i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
