She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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