i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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