There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
