I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
