I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
