I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
