how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
MIDGETS
????
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
