Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They took my balls.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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