Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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