I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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