i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
