It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
