One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
