dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
