oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
