I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We got so high we made milksteak
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
