The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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