You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
