My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
