the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
be right there i have to get my cape
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
