dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
