dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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