the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
