dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Duck Duck Cougar?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry about my life...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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