I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize