Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
