cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
