We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
