im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
a search helicopter?!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
