Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
