So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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