Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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