before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
