She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
