my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were trust falling into bushes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
